(Negativity: Part Two)
Recently we went to a neighborhood gathering. As is often the case when people get together, everyone inevitably got around to complaining about one thing or another. Over the past two years, this tendency to focus on negativity has increased exponentially. Don’t get me wrong, people often have serious situations they are dealing with, but it highlighted something I have been pondering for many years. Why are so many of us so willing, eager even, to deal out the negative in our lives, rather than celebrating the positive?
Negativity Hurts
I imagine that most of us have wallowed in self-pity at times in our lives. When our lives get particularly tough, it is natural to wonder “Why me?” The true problem begins when we get in a cycle of negativity. We start thinking that no matter what we do, how much work and effort we put into something, negative things will always happen to us versus other people. We are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have been particularly guilty of this one.
When negativity becomes a habit, it can actually make us sick, mentally and physically. Negativity has been shown to worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression. It also gets us stuck in fight or flight mode, surging adrenaline and cortisol into our system leading to adrenal fatigue and a plethora of small health complaints that can cascade into bigger problems. These habitual negative thoughts can also lead to harmful coping mechanisms ranging from emotional eating to alcoholism and drug use.
It’s a Learned Thing
Negative thinking and excessive worry is actually a learned behavior. Who knew? Now, I don’t intend to blame my family for any past health challenges. There are many factors in my life that lead to the path I had to tread, but my memories are filled with the women in my family sitting around the table complaining of this or that or throwing out worry like confetti. It was almost like, if we worried about something enough and spoke it out loud, it would keep it from happening.
Some scientists and psychologists believe that this habitual negative thinking is a precursor to many mental illnesses. Over time, that sustained fight or flight response soaks our brain in a hormonal soup that eventually tilts our mental health sideways.
And, to top it off, neuroscientists have shown that once you start down one path of thinking, the brain makes it easier to continue thinking that way. Synapses that get fired often enough are strengthened, like the flexing of a muscle. These strengthened synapses then strong arm your thoughts in their direction. The best analogy that I have read is ‘the road most traveled’ analogy. A wagon trail or foot path is easier to follow the more it is used. The vegetation is worn down; ruts in the trail develop and deepen until you don’t even have to think about where you are going. You just follow where the path takes you.

Taking the Road Less Traveled
When we are stuck in the same negative pattern of thoughts, we start unconsciously believing that we do not deserve anything good in our lives. It may even lead us to unconsciously sabotage opportunities for better things in our lives.
So how do we break out of this pattern of thinking? How do we blaze a new trail in our minds?
There is a lot of advice out there, but it really boils down to actively, forcibly, changing the way you think; recognizing the negative thoughts and shifting them. This is another “moving boulders with your mind” task. It is not easy, but it is so worth the effort!
Ways to Seek the Positive:
- Be Grateful – Try to focus on what is positive and beautiful in your life.
- Take Responsibility and Be Accountable – Recognize your part in what happens in your life. There will always be those things that are beyond your control, but it matters how you react and deal with those situations. Try to avoid blame.
- Forgive – First, validate your feelings. People may have hurt you. You may have hurt yourself or others. Allow yourself to recognize how this makes you feel. Then, work to forgive yourself and others. Victim mentality hinges on the blame we place on ourselves as much as the blame we place on others. Put the hammer of judgement aside.
- Do Something You Enjoy – Every day, try to do something you enjoy. Even the smallest thing will give us a few moments to get off of the negative thought train and break the victim cycle.
- Quiet Your Mind – Take time every day to take a break from the voice in your head. Choose a meditation style that works for you, take a yoga class, or go for a walk in nature. Whatever activity you choose, be sure to check your negative inner dialog at the door.

To Be One of the Positive People
All of this is obviously easier said than done. As a roadmap for success, I started looking into traits of happy positive people. What I found was an interesting overlap between those who were happiest and those who lived the longest. Seriously, a ton of these old-timers have been through situations that I cannot imagine living through. And, yet, here they are; putting a positive spin on being 105. And, here I am, griping about things big and small.
What I found is that the traits of happy people and the lessons imparted by centenarians coincide almost exactly with the advice on how to avoid victim mentality. They look within for solutions and value their relationships; giving and staying engaged to others. Happy people slow down and reflect on the good things in their lives. They find humor in themselves and their daily lives. Problems are not dwelt on or internalized and they never dwell on being a victim.
Moving Forward into Positivity
The encouraging fact about choosing to root out negative thought patterns is that you never really regress completely to the old way of thinking. Once you embark down the path of positivity, you continue to make forward progress. It’s as if, just by acknowledging our negative thoughts, we have unlocked a pattern of positivity.
Sure, you will backslide, have good days and bad…in short, you will continue to experience life. But how you view your life will start to change. And that makes all the difference!
I have been working on this for a few years now. I will admit, straight out, that I am not gifted in this area. It is a daily challenge to turn away from the negative. But it has gotten so much easier! And it has affected every area of my life. Relationships are better. Health and sleep are better. Life, in general, is better…all from a simple change in perspective.
So take a step into the positive with me! You’ll be happy you did!
Peace be with you!
By Louise Hughes
(Louise is a co-founder of Church of the Sacred Truths and a student of the spiritual.)
Images by (in order of appearance): Bekka Mongeau, Binti Malu, and Julia Avamotive on Pexels.com.